At the moment I feel so blessed cause I have gotten a really nice summer job at an elderly home where I really enjoy working. My collegues and the sweet care takers are just wonderful=)
And I also got in to the university and 3 years of studying to be a NURSE! Yay!!! So damn happy! It´s a dream coming true and through my life I´ve had so many different jobs but I have always longed to help people and feel that I do something GOOD for others and a job that is more about heart and head than surface.
Being in the entertainment business has good sides, for sure, but for me personally, there are also many bad sides. I´m a bit tired of people trying to just take your money, who doesn't care about friendship and only think of what they can win in every situation. It´s a man´s world and it´s necessary to be tough and have really strong elbows and I do, but I also really care for others and to feel a companionship and trust in others I put my career in to there hands.
I have also had a hard time with the demands to look a certain way, dress a certain way and BE a certain way cause I am and will always be ME. What you see is what you get=)
I will always LOVE to do music, that´s not what I mean, BUT I have gotten so many negative bruises and scars the last years in the business that my love for this has slowly taken away the JOY from it and in the darkest and most lonely moments on tour, all I wanted was a job where I won´t always be judged and criticized whatever I do. Cause believe me, if you have a job where you always have people looking at you, trying to find something wrong with your achievement, even how strong you are and how good confidence you have, it will be a hard ride. Some will survive and think it´s worth it and ok with it but there are so many who just don´t want to continue.
Here in Sweden there´s so many artists who get a fast break through and things spin so fast, the record labels push hard to get them out to play and feel albums and they do a year, maybe 2 and then they are just gone. Burnt out, stressed, lack of motivation and so on and in some cases they come back but in a way where they themselves are more in charge and in a smaller way with a smaller label, or they just fall in to a "normal" job.
I have read so many times when a musician or an artist "complain" about how hard it can be to be a musician. - No money earned, no record sales cause so many download illegal, no promoters paying enough to get a band or an artist to play offering so bad payment that it´s almost as if the band or musician themselves need to pay to play that venue.
Every time someone says anything that its hard or so on - the first thing non-musicians say is:
- But your work is what you LOVE - it´s not like a "normal" job, you are SO lucky cause the rest of us have to do boring jobs…and so on..
I have always worked in '"normal" jobs to make my living since music has always been so hard to be able to live on. Then I had the privilege to do it as my job for some years so I think I am right to say that NO, being a musician is NOT always easy, fun and just like working with your hobby. And in these days when record sales are going down and there are just to much music to choose from, it´s even harder.
Now this is not meant to be a "bu-hu" poor me statement, no=) I am blessed and I still love to make music and will continue doing that, but I will focus on my studies to get a good education and a profession I can have the rest of my working life and if I can do some gigs in weekends, some festivals I´ll do that and a new album when Ear music feel they want to put it out=)
Now time to sleep=) Thanks for reading and all my love for you who are there for me whatever I do and whoever I choose to be.